i always love you. you thought i don't, because your mind is in a mess. you think i don't love you anymore, thats why you think so. but in fact, i still do. your mind's messed with all these happenings. and you especially cannot forget about her. if only you could put her aside and be the one on top of things, me and you would both be good together. i cannot make you do that. i'm just counting on you now. what you feel, what you want to do, what you plan, its your call. if the only way out of this is for me to be apart from you, then lets do it. i don't want to see you sad and suffer because of me and those bits, pieces, torn or nails of my life, be it from the past, present, or the unforeseen future. but, please be happy in any decisions you make.

whatever it may be, i always want you to be happy. i love you.


time to realise, learn and improve.

forget it.


i just need to calm down.

come on boy, you could do it!

I'm Back, for now.

Its been so long since I've been into my blog till I don't even remember whats the link to it. Here's an update on my special day and its a little refresh to my blog.

March 30th started as a normal day. Mum actually planned breakfast at Hilton for me but she was still deciding if we should have it at Hilton or Riverside Majestic. Hilton priced breakfast buffer at RM46/pax and Riverside at RM47/pax. Really wonder how much that RM1 differ the both but anyways I reckon either choice would be too expensive for breakfast. Was tired so I stayed in bed for quite awhile till I finally got up to my mum telling me to pick my dad up from hospital after his eye check up. Doctor diluted his eyes so he couldn't drive home.

So I got up, apply a generous amount of toothpaste on my Oral-B CrossAction toothbrush, took my towel and headed to the bathroom. Did all those morning rituals and got dress up. Mum drove me up to hospital to drive my dad and his car. We were suppose to eat lunch together but mum suddenly got this important meeting with her friend. So it ended up with me and my dad only for lunch.

We went to Sarawak Club to have a simple lunch. Had Cantonese Fried Noodle with Beef and two half boiled eggs. Dad told me I had to send him to hospital again at 2PM for his medical check up but he later realized that it would be troublesome for me to wait for him the whole while in the hospital so he said maybe after buying a pair of sunglasses, he could drive himself up. I was relieved to hear that as I do have plans with my girlfriend in that afternoon. But moments later, dad asked me if I will be home in the afternoon. Apparently he planned for the water heater repair man to come in the afternoon. I was pretty devastated to hear that but dad wanted to see the guy work, so he called the guy to ask him to come at 4PM after his medical check up. Well, that solved the problem.

After lunch, we headed to our optometrist somewhere at town area. Didn't take long for my dad to decided which sunglasses he want. It was an obvious choice anyway. He choose the one from USA. It works by wearing it over your prescription glasses, a very much improvised version of the old fashioned clip-on sunglasses. With quality comes a big price tag, it cost about RM400. Its a worth buy as his doctor highly recommend him to use sunglasses to protect his eyes. My dad was so happy with his purchase, he quickly decided to drive himself up to the hospital. Cute. So he dropped me off at Sarawak Club again to meet my mum and her friend who were having lunch there. I have to follow her car back home. But here's the problem. Its 30 minutes to 2PM, Fion and I were suppose to be at Damai at around 2Pm. I was restless the whole time because I have not had the time to execute my own plans for my day and I am still stuck at the Sarawak Club.

Soon, the girlfriend called me and ask me about our plans. I told her I am still stuck in club. She decided to pick me up instead and send me home to get my car. I told her its okay because my mum is about to finish lunch already but she insisted to pick me up. So, okay then I waited for her. Soon, my mum and her friend left and soon enough, Fion came to pick me up. There and then, she gave me a surprise. A big cake box with a round silver tray holding 10 chocolate cupcakes spelling out 'HAPPY BDAY <3'.>

I held the box on my lap as she drove me home to get my car. The rain caused a slight traffic jam all the way to my home and she was suppose to rush home and bring the car back for her family to go out and have lunch. Imagine the agony of going through traffic jam in those kind of situation. Luckily, we reached my house not too late and she quickly rushed back home. The rush didn't end there. Once I got home, I packed up for our trip to Damai and so did she when she arrived home. When we was ready, I took my keys, started the car and drove to pick up Fion. I arrived at her house 15 minutes later. She came down and she was dressed in her bikini with a blue dress top over it and she wore the pants she bought while shopping with me few days ago. Happy I am to see her and with her dressed up like that with the bags that she was carrying, it means that we are finally on our plan for the day!

After picking her up, we went to town to quickly buy water and a very expensive sun block lotion. Then, I quickly drive up to Damai. It just finish raining in Kuching city. We were both hoping it wouldn't rain in Damai. On our journey up, we saw the sky still as cloudy as town area. But as we were arriving, we were so happy to see that the sky there isn't as dark like those in town area. 1/2 Km to go, we arrived in just minutes. At the car park, Fion presented me my birthday present. A wallet. Well, there's a story behind that, but its to ourselves. Sorry for the discretion. But the present wasn't that simple. It was wrapped up creatively with a golden ribbon around it. Upon opening the box, there it is. My new wallet with the picture of me and her in Sepia mode in the picture compartment. The wallet box is filled with pictures of me and her. She printed it out, cut it and wrapped it up carefully. In summary, it was a gift bought, made and wrapped perfectly with sincerity, passion and love. And I love it so much. Thank you once again, love.

Before leaving the car, we ate a few cupcakes as Fion have not eaten anything yet since morning because she was busy preparing for my birthday. Poor girl! We then took our clothes, camera, sun block lotion, and entered Damai Beach Resort. We were held up by the security guard for awhile because Damai Beach Resort management came up with this new fee called 'RM3 Day Pass for Visitors'. Not expensive to pay after making the trip all the way there and now we need not feel like we're illegal to Damai Beach Resort without booking a room there.

After the paying RM6 for both of us, we went straight to the beach to find that the ocean ate the sand. It was a high tide that day. No beach, no sand, no lying down with her with our new expensive sun block on our skin. It was evening already anyway, so the sun wasn't so bright. We didn't want to be disappointed over not having sand to play with on my birthday so we sulked up and took some pretty pictures with the Nikon DSLR camera my bro gave to me. After a few good shots, we decided to soak in the swimming pool. So we were in our beach wear, in the swimming pool, cuddling, disturbing each other, and teaching each other how to swim. Well, its not that we don't know how to swim. I guess we were just trying to flaunt our not-so-pro swimming skills. Spend about half an hour playing in the pool before we got up, took a shower and started our journey back to Kuching town. Next destination, dinner at The Junk.

It was quite a crawl back to town. The rain showered several road sections and so a wet road plus a normal set of tires and a 2 door 4x4 isn't a good combination at all. Luckily, as we were near town, the rainy section was over. It was so good to see the dry road once again. Could finally make up for the time lost in the wet road, but of course I drove within the speed limit. Soon, we arrive right in front of The Junk restaurant to see the metal doors shut tight. They are closed every Tuesday. Can call that another disappointment for the day. But then again, we left disappointment behind and quickly decided to dine at Magenta restaurant.

Magenta restaurant is pretty much like The Junk restaurant. The food is somewhat the same but portion seems smaller but price, sadly, is bigger. We shared a good mushroom soup with Mozzarella cheese garlic bread. Fion ordered lamb shank and I took grilled salmon. Both of our tummy were filled to the max after our meal. A great meal with a great price to pay after, RM103. Yes, its worth it!

So, with tummy filled, and its 10PM, we went to Taman Sahabat. Spent the next 30 minutes with her at the park. And when it was time for her to go home, I drove slowly and we talked all the way till we reached her house. An evening well spent.

I came back home to find out that my mum bought a birthday cake for me. I told her earlier on that I didn't want a cake because I had cupcakes from Fion already but she still went on and bought me a Marble Cheese Cake from Hilton Hotel. I had mixed feelings when I saw the cake, but anyway, we took it out from the box and I cut the birthday cake. In the next hour which is also the final hour of my birthday, I placed everything properly and settled down in front my Mac while BBM-ing my girl. At 12AM sharp, she wished me Happy Belated Birthday on Facebook. And she said after 12AM, she could start being mean to me again. Oh well.

To sum up everything, my special day started off bad and everything seems like a threat to fail my plans for the day. But with Fion and our determination to not bring the day down, we managed to make a great day out of 30th March. Well if it wasn't for her hard work and her planning, I doubt the day wouldn't be as great as it was. Lovely girlfriend!

After I though my birthday events were over, I came home and mum got me this cake. I am touched deeply by her actions. I told her that I don't want a cake and she still insisted on it. She bought it without my knowledge. I figured that she tried to say sorry as she didn't get to bring me to breakfast and she didn't make it in time for lunch with me. I couldn't have dinner with her because I already planned and told her I will be having dinner with Fion. But at least before my birthday was over, we ate the cake together. Count it as a late supper. I showed her the wallet Fion bought for me and I let her tried the cupcakes. She didn't say much. It make me wonder what is in her mind. I guess maybe she feels sad that she need not do so much for me like before during my birthday. I didn't even ask for anything from her for my birthday. Perhaps at this point she realizes that I am grown up already and things are changing. I'm sure the feeling of knowing that someone you love no need you as much anymore is a sad feeling. Its not that I no need my mum anymore, I think I just grown more independent and I am walking my own life now. I really don't know how to put it out exactly in words how I feel for mum now. I feel sad for how I've been responding to her this few days and looking at how she is trying to make up for me, I'm lost for words. I love my mum. And my dad. Almost forgotten about him there. He bought sunglasses for himself on my birthday. Hmm.

By the way, I would like to thanks to everyone out there who flooded my Facebook page with birthday wishes. Thanks guys!

To You,

I deeply appreciate everything you did to make my birthday special. Everything from the 'pretend to be angry' before wishing me happy birthday at 12AM till the goodnight kiss before sending you home. I cannot stop thanking you and here it is again, THANK YOU LOVE!! I love the birthday present you got me. And thanks for those cupcakes! You stayed up till 5 to wrap my uber-creative present, then woke up at don't know what time in the morning to get cupcakes for me then rush to pick me and rush home and spend time with me all the way till night. Your energy were absolutely drained. If I could, I would hugg you to sleep that night. I enjoyed my birthday very much. Thanks a lot dear. Love you. =)

Happy Belated Birthday to myself! I had a great one! =)


I made this blog. :)

The post below was dedicated to me.

Mm, goodbye now. =D